Confession
by ylemon
Summary: The confession of a tormented soul.


Author's note: I don't know what's going on in my twisted mind at the moment but here's another story some of you may find disturbing.

* * *

My dearest Barbara,

'

I dreaded the day we'll have to work together.

I hadn't anticipated that I'd like it so much.

You had quite a reputation but I found working with you easy.

At first you were rather reserved and I wasn't sure how to behave.

We stayed very professional and focused on the job.

But soon your true personality emerged and I knew we would go on well together.

'

As we spent more and more time together, I realized you were witty and funny.

We shared good laughs and I enjoyed your company.

I started to look forward to being with you.

I started to peek at you when you wouldn't notice.

I noted when you started to apply a touch of pink on your cheeks.

'

I remember the first time our hands brushed each other.

In passing, accidentally.

I remember how you smiled at me, pretended nothing had happened.

The first touch of your skin; it gave me goose pimples.

I wanted to see more. I wanted to feel more.

I thought the Christmas Party at the pub was my chance.

'

You were with your friends but you let me buy you a drink.

We clinked glasses looking into each other's eyes,

The toast was our future collaboration.

You laughed at my jokes, you touched my arm as you did so.

When he entered the pub I barely noticed.

'

He went leisurely from group to group, saying hello to everyone

He shook my hand and complimented you on your attire.

Other people joined us and I couldn't talk to you like I wanted to.

When I came back from the Gents you had left with him,

He had offered to give you and a friend a lift home.

I was disappointed and angry with myself;

I felt I had let my chance pass me by.

'

This night was the night I was going to tell you how I felt.

I wanted it to be perfect but I had waited too long for the right moment

And now you were gone.

But I couldn't refrain my feelings any longer.

I had to tell you I loved you and I knew where you lived.

'

As I drove to your place, I anticipated your reaction to my confession.

You'd be surprised, I was quite certain of that,

You have that tendency to underestimate you,

But you'd be happy for the bond I felt between us was unmistakable.

My heart was racing in my chest when I walked up to your door.

From a distance I could see light inside your home, one of your curtains wasn't properly drawn.

I was on your doorstep trying to catch my breath when I heard the noise inside.

I peeped through the window.

'

He was there, making love to you.

I wanted to shout, I wanted to smash down your door and pull him from you

He was degrading you, he was sullying you, I felt a murderous impulse

Then I saw your face and realized what a fool I was.

You were smiling like crazy, you were clearly enjoying yourself.

I saw you craving his kisses, I saw you wriggling under his caresses,

Arching against him, offering yourself.

That was obscene.

'

You had lied to me, you had deceived me,

You had pretended to care for me when all along it was him you wanted.

You probably thought it was funny to make a fool of me,

To see me at your feet, longing for your love.

You certainly told him how stupid I was.

I bet you had a good laugh over me.

But I vowed to myself you'd soon be laughing on the other side of your face.

'

I waited till he left in the morning.

He looked tired but on his face was the smug smile of the male pleased with himself.

I let him go away, unharmed; I would deal with him later.

He hadn't locked the door behind him, I crept in unnoticed.

Your sofa bed was unmade; there were disgusting stains on the sheets.

The whole place reeked of sex.

'

You came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

You were so shocked to find me in your room you almost let it slip to the floor.

You caught it just in time but I wasn't disappointed.

I would take care of it myself.

'

My appearance had thrown you off balance but soon you understood what I wanted.

As realization sank in, so did fear.

You ran your eyes over the room, saw the knife on the breakfast table, rushed to grab it

I was quicker.

You had nowhere to hide, you had nowhere to go,

I was blocking the only way out.

'

You tried to talk me out:

You said you had no idea I loved you;

You said you never intended to hurt me;

You said you were already his girlfriend when we started to work together.

I didn't listen.

'

So you tried to bargain with me:

You said you wouldn't press charges against me if I left.

But I wasn't leaving, on the contrary I was getting nearer and nearer until I was just in front of you.

You tried to beat me off but I was stronger than you and I had the knife.

When you felt the tip of it on your throat, you implored me.

I tore off the towel and threw you on the bed.

'

You struggled with me with the strength born of despair

But rage and lust gave me the strength of ten.

You were at my mercy, and you knew it.

Tears of rage rolled down your face.

I didn't care, I had you where I wanted you to be.

On the very bed you had made love with him I would make you mine.

'

I was fumbling with the zip of my jeans when he sent me flying across the room.

I landed on the table, smashing it under my weight.

I didn't have the time to recover my breath,

He hit my head with the bottle of milk he had just bought and I passed out.

'

I regained consciousness strapped in a bed in hospital two days later.

My trial didn't last long; all evidences were against me.

I didn't talk; I didn't explain.

My counsel told me it could help if I expressed regrets.

I couldn't.

My only regret is that I hadn't got rid of him before I attacked you on that fateful morning.

Maybe you would have wept on my shoulder.

'

I was put behind bars for a long time and life in prison isn't easy for an ex-police officer.

But it won't last much longer.

Some time ago I managed to put my hand on a smuggled knife.

I kept it hidden from the wardens, waiting for the right time to use it.

That time is now.

This morning I read in the paper that you had married him.

You are now officially Lady Barbara Asherton.

I have no reason for living anymore.

When you read this letter, I will be dead.

I'm a forensic expert; I know where to stick the knife.


End file.
